Sunday, November 28, 2010

the sinking feeling

Hello as you guessed this is Andy doing another update. There is a lot of people out there praying and thinking of us and it is definatly felt and appreciated. Our support system is amazing from friends, family, strangers, nurses, web people.

Now on to what you are wanting to know about.

Sandy is in the hospital at MTMC in room 545. The doctor has pulled us aside and said things are really not good. Said the progression of the cancer at this point is irreversible and it has all happened so fast. Its not an exact science on how quickly things happen and it happens differently on every person so I don't want to think about or give a time frame, he just said things won't go on like this for long. I have made the decision with the medical professionals not to take her to ICU where she would be closed off from friends and family from visiting except one at a time for 15 minutes at different intervals throughout the day. Sandy is still so positive when she has her moments of clarity, yet most of the time its very disheartening to try to interpret what she wants/needs/ or just wants to communicate through to us. Our nights consists of sleeping with the bed alarm on so when she needs to get up and use the restroom I get up quickly with her and help her in and out. We had a couple nights that were very rough in this aspect and I didn't get much sleep at all. Last night I had the nurse give her, her ativan for anxiety about 8:30 or so in order for Sandy to rest then again around 1 after she got up to use the restroom. This seemed to help the night a lot for her and for me in getting more rest. Right now the plan is to keep her as comfortable as possible. This is the hardest blog I've written to date because there is so much I want to say, but my head is racing and I don't know what to say and write out and what would be too much information. Things right now are just not good and emotions are at an all time high. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers and the visitors that come by and phone calls, emails, texts messages. It is all greatly appreciated and helps.

The kids are doing good and have good visits with their mommy in the hospital. They draw pictures and bring up and hang in Sandy's room. Grace gets to talk to a special friend at school that her mom battled cancer and won and it really helps her out. She also has an amazing support system at her school with her teacher and counselor both are amazing women and I have talked to them several times. I think I'm going to stay the night at home tonight so I can take Grace to school and go in and speak with her teacher and counselor and give them an update of what is going on. Payton gets to spend a lot of time with us and other family that is in town visiting. My sister and her husband brought up their five and a half week old baby to get to see Sandy and they kept the kids for us when they were here and Sandy's parents have been sharing watching them. My parents just drove down from Iowa yesterday and are helping out tremendously as well staying with the kids and getting to visit here. If anyone wants to contact me, I get the e-mails from the comments left on the blog or you can e-mail me directly at abtowle@gmail.com. If you have my number you can call or text it or get a hold of me however you can. I also keep Sandy's phone on me now because I don't think it would be a good idea for her to have it in her state of mind, but if she wants to call someone we help her and put it on speaker.

I know a lot of people that read this blog may be going through situations like this or have in the past, you can e=mail me and share your stories with dealing with it or going through it. I need advice. I'm not big on asking for or even receiving help when its right in front of me, but things have changed. I'll try to keep this updated as I can. I hope everyone has a good day.

15 comments:

Roxana said...

Andy, this is heart wrenching to read and I am so sorry for all of you to be going through this right now. I wish I had something wise to tell you that would help you deal with this, but I fall short when it comes to it. I will be praying for you, the kids and Sandy.
Roxy - friend of Sandy's from college

girly5509 said...

Andy,
My heart is so very heavy for you and your family, and all of us that have been touched by Sandy in some way. Words will never be enough to say how sorry I am about this new turn of events. Praying for your peace and comfort in the days ahead. Praying for strength to get you through the most difficult time in your life. Rachel- Lindsay's sister-in-law

Thaddeus said...

Hi Andy, I went to Iowa with Jessica and Melissa and have been following your family's journey for a long time. I am so so sorry that things are not better. Let this season, filled with so much joy, thanksgiving, and love, lift your spirits. Cancer is a terrible, ugly disease. The silver lining is that while this holiday season is certainly not as happy as it could be, it is a time filled with memories and warmth, and it always, always, will be. I have lost loved ones to cancer, and I have seen loved ones survive cancer and even if a branch of your family tree is to be lost, the remaining branches will be stronger and more beautiful because of it. That being said, I am not very religious, but I do believe in miracles. So many miracles happen at Christmas time. Be grounded, be optimistic, be accepting, be spirited. Just Be.

Michelle Swainey said...

Praying for you Andy, Sandy, Grace and Payton. I'm glad that your mom and dad are there with you now. Love, Michelle

Nicole said...

Thinking of you all. I guess from my past experience, you reach a point where you just hope for the most pain-free end possible. It's hard to let go, but better than keeping someone around who is in great pain. She's lucky to have you all around her. It's great to hear you've got a good support system around you. Hang in there.

Mona said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
Mona (Mary Hill's sister)

TheBigBentley said...

Hi Andy. This is Brent. I'm Melissa's (aka PrincesLilla) husband. I just wanted to tell you that I have been praying for you guys everyday. I wish we where in a better position to help but I wouldn't even know what to do. I'm so sorry for what you guys are going through. I really don't know what to say, but I wanted to let you know we are always thinking and praying for your family.

Gwen said...

My heart hurts for your family. You are all in our prayers.

Heard The Buzz said...

I pray that the Lord strengthens you and your family in your time of need.

Mitchypoo said...

I'm a stranger in CA who can't seem to get Sandy and family off of my mind. I'm praying for you and family.

britt said...

My name is Britt Smotherman, but Sandy's family would remember me as Jones. I am so sorry for all that you have been through and am still praying for a miracle for Sandy. We have known each other since kindergarten. Although we have lost touch over the years, I have kept up with her story through facebook, myspace, and her blog. She is a true inspiration for anyone going through a tough time in life or for anyone for that matter. Anyone who knows her should feel blessed to have met such a truly wonderful woman.

Derricca said...

Oh Andy, I am so very sorry. You both are so brave.

Michelle said...

You guys have touched so many...

Goodess N Graces said...

I am so very, very sorry at the loss of Sandy. You have all been in my prayers. I know of Sandy's battle through a mutual friend. I have lupus, lost a son to lupus, a mother to lupus and a friend who first had lupus, then developed cancer and my heart is breaking for you in your loss. You are being lifted up to the Lord as I type. God be with you all.

Anna Scanlon said...

I'm a fellow lupus sufferer and I've been talking to Sandy on and off for a while. This entire ordeal is heartwrenching and I am so sorry this has to happen this way. I'll be praying for your family. She's home now. <3